As a first-time reader of memoirs, Our Little Secret by Emily Carrington drew me in with its unique illustrations and heart-wrenching story. Generally speaking, graphic memoirs sound interesting, but within a few pages, I could see how effective and engaging it could be — I was hooked immediately. Carrington displays her life through her drawings, showing us exactly what she went through, from her strange living situations to the eventual and tragic sexual abuse that she endured. We accompany Carrington as she revisits her trauma decades after it happened in order to further understand her heartbreaking childhood and her frustrating encounter with the legal system. 

Our Little Secret tells the story of Emily Carrington as a teenager in Prince Edward Island. When her parents get divorced, Emily chooses to live with her father, which leads to many abnormal homes due to their unstable financial situation. Emily has to endure a harsh environment, being subjected to her father’s aggression and the cold winters that her home does little to protect her from. Richard, a neighbour and family friend, attempts to help by offering her a warm bed to sleep in, but her vulnerability and innocence become a victim to the horrific and disgusting acts of a predator.

This beautifully designed memoir opens in the mid 80s, where we learn about Carrington’s relationship with her father — one of the key figures in her traumatic childhood. We start to understand the living situation that she’s in, especially the vivid descriptions and images of their ongoing fly problem or makeshift homes. Carrington’s abuse starts with her dad hiring Richard to help them build a log cabin. She sets up her story in a way that leaves us wanting more — giving us little hints without uncovering the whole truth until later. We learn about this log cabin and the close connection they have with Richard, leading to the realization that he isn’t just a side character in Carrington’s life. Instead, he’s a main character who still haunts the present in long-lasting and damaging ways.

This is by no means an easy graphic memoir to get through; it’s disturbing. However, its story resonated with me and I found myself on a rollercoaster of emotions throughout. The illustrations added an extra layer of depth as we weren’t only able to read the words of Carrington’s abuse, but we could see it. It either makes us sympathize with her or have the strong urge to punch a wall due to the oblivious adults around her. The art style and layout of the illustrations add a unique touch to the way the story was told, and I particularly love the way that Carrington portrays her present self. Anytime she’s talking directly to the readers, she’s sitting at a table as if in an interview. This adds personality to the memoir as well as breaking up the intense story. The “interviews” made me feel as though Carrington and I were talking personally to each other. Even more so, it serves as a way to sit down and tell every detail without missing something. You’re put on the spot to say your piece. While I felt that the interview format allowed for a closer connection with Carrington and her readers, it also feels like a way to finally digest what happened to herself. 

Her portrayal of Richard was also an interesting choice, especially as he’s on the cover page. He’s always off-putting and disgusting. There’s tension whenever we see his worn out, wrinkled face. It’s so artfully done in a way that I feel uncomfortable whenever he makes an appearance on the page. All of her illustrations tell a deeper story, from the way she portrays herself to the way she depicts Richard. She wants to inflict different emotions upon us through her drawings, whether it’s with flattering illustrations or disturbing and uncomfortable ones. 

While it’s a deeply emotional story that allows the abuse victim to tell their truth, it’s also a criticism of the legal system in Canada. Carrington focuses the second half of her memoir on trying to acknowledge what Richard did to her and how it has truly affected her life. She, now knowing of these complications, decides to take legal action, bringing us along with her as she tries to navigate the insanely frustrating legal system that surrounds sexual abuse. After multiple experiences with lawyers who failed to do their jobs correctly, Carrington was not only silenced by her abuser, but also by the legal system. Adding to all of that was the unexpected pandemic that left many people in disarray. This aspect of the story truly maddened me along with Carrington, as she doesn’t get the true ending that she deserves. Our Little Secret may not give us the outcome that we want, but it makes a statement about the awful system that’s in place for anyone who wants to charge their abuser. Her experience in doing so should be about healing and getting justice, but Carrington is subjected to more trauma and suffering because she isn’t being listened to. This system does more harm than good in Carrington’s situation, and she drives that point home through the depiction of her struggles. 

Carrington depicts an eye-opening and emotional conversation with her inner child. Using her illustrations as a form of communication, she opens up to herself about what she has done. By revealing her secret to the world, she no longer carries that weight on her shoulders. It’s clear that she doesn’t just draw this for us to better understand her trauma, but it’s a form of relief for her. She’s able to proudly tell herself that she got rid of the horrible secret and shame that was chained to her ankle from the moment Richard first assaulted her. 

She draws herself on the beach with a naked version of her childhood self, understanding that this other variation of her was the part that was hurt many years ago. It’s not just the way this child speaks that makes you understand the trauma that she went through, but it’s the way Carrington draws herself; weak, broken and vulnerable. Those gut-wrenching last pages left me with goosebumps, knowing the relief that came with being able to tell your story, being able to rip that chain off of her ankle. 

Our Little Secret may be a resource for Carrington’s own healing, but it’s also a resource for other survivors. This powerful and emotional story shines light on the horrific truth of childhood sexual abuse while also acting as an immensely useful tool for other survivors. In 2022, self-awareness, acknowledging and eventually healing from past traumas are important. Opening up and offering that vulnerability, though it feels challenging, can be as easy as feeling kinship through books or videos when talking feels too difficult. There isn’t just one way to acknowledge the pain we have bottled inside. For Carrington, she offers vulnerability by sharing her trauma through this graphic memoir, peeling back the layers of her own trauma to provide the confidence someone needs to shed light on their trauma, too. As more people share their stories, more people will learn that they aren’t alone. Knowing that sexual abuse happens more often than we think, I hope this memoir is able to reach the people that need it.