Our stage is set in The Bulgar
Vulgarian, a little-known bar
in Sofia city centre.
Tonight, our players will enter
stage left, a cluster of trouble.
They are the stunt/body doubles
for the star-studded shoot-‘em-up
The Expendables 2. Full cups
light beer and snacks like salted chips,
the boys guffaw, talk, ripple, sip.
All eleven are here this eve:
Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li,
Randy Couture, Jason Statham,
Liam Hemsworth and Dolph Lundgren,
Terry Crews, the famed Chuck Norris,
Jean-Claude Van Damme and Bruce Willis.
Of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger
orders first—you guessed it—Jäger.
And you are in the B.V. too,
or someone who quite looks like you.
It’s a night as any other
and we have stumbled together
down the bar’s unassuming steps.
The boys are as you would expect,
gregarious and loud, but the bit
that’s the most important is that
the boys are as you would expect.

Originally published in White Wall Review 40 (2016)