“A lot of people are like, ‘Oh, it must have been so difficult to write about that.’” Mirion Malle, French cartoonist and illustrator, reflects, grinning at the screen. “I was like ‘Oh my god, no!’ It was such a breeze; I was so happy to work on this comic.” 

The young graphic artist’s first fiction piece, This is How I Disappear (2021) or C’est Comme Ca Que Je Disparais, is bursting with heart and vulnerability. Raw and untidy emotions that hinge on the anxieties of unresolved trauma become personified and real. And Malle brings attention to this kind of inner anguish that her protagonist, Clara, experiences. The imperceptible kind that masks itself behind sheepish smiles, and feels unimaginably heavy and terribly lonely. In a conversation with Malle over Zoom, she recounts impactful comics from her childhood, like Tom-Tom et Nana, that prompted her passion. The artist enthuses over My Chemical Romance and tells a thoughtful story about Clara’s struggle with depression. She invites us along in her process of creating this “bittersweet,” intimate piece of art. Malle is currently studying sociology, with a special interest in gender and feminist studies at the Université du Québec à Montréal.

“And even then, if it’s difficult sometimes or a difficult subject, I think the happiness of doing what I love balances it out,” she says with pride.

White Wall Review: Can you tell me a bit about your journey to becoming a writer and an illustrator?

Mirion Malle: I think I always liked writing; it was something very important to me. I have always drawn since I was a little kid, but I started doing comics when I was maybe 11 or 12. I was reading magical girl comics, and I was like “Oh my god, I want to do that, too.” I became more and more at ease with that. It felt like the easiest way for me to write stories, so those two kind of became intertwined. It’s very hard for me to write without images.

I studied literature in Toulouse and then theatre in Paris. I wanted to go to an arts school just to see what I could do with that. I decided to study comics in Belgium. I had already started my comic career. My first publishers saw my work and asked if I wanted to do a book and it kind of fell into place. After that, I came back to Paris to study sociology and feminist studies. And now, I’m in Montréal to finish my master’s degree in sociology.

WWR: What drew you to the graphic novel medium?

MM: Shojo manga, French indie comics and comic blogs opened me up to another kind of art style, I guess, and I almost immediately fell in love with that. I always wanted to tell stories, and I found comics – not by accident because, you know, I read them a lot, but I just found that and it was good for me. If I don’t do comics for a long time, I’m sad. I think it’s a nice way to tell fiction or just personal or autobiographical stuff.

WWR: This is your third graphic novel to be published, but your first fictional piece. What inspired you to tell Clara’s story?

MM: I did This is How I Disappear in November 2018, and during the summer, just before that, I was talking with a friend about this French-Canadian singer. He was on TV and he had said that he felt depressed and felt that, sometimes, he wanted to put himself on fire. Everyone on the TV show was like: “Oh my god, don’t say that!” or “You’re young; you have your life before you.” And not because they were mean or, like, they didn’t believe him; it was just, nobody knew what to do with that. You’re not “supposed” to tell that on TV, or even with your friend. It’s very difficult to talk about those feelings with the people around you. You have to talk about them with people that are going through the same thing. It’s very difficult, because sometimes, people don’t know how to deal with that and they dismiss it. We were talking about that and I thought: “Oh, I want to write a story about this subject.” 

WWR: Clara is a beautifully written, authentic, and complicated character. We find solace and comfort in her despite the distance she puts between herself and her friends. We really get to see her. What was the process of developing Clara as a character?

MM: I tried to envision the characters. I think I do that most with dialogue. I think about how she would answer someone. Is she a joker or is she more shy? It’s really when I’m writing what they are saying that I am building them. And then, I try to put in little anecdotes to make them feel more real. I think Clara is a mix of me, my friends, or how I think this kind of person would react. I wanted her to be more “meaty.” *chuckles* Sometimes, she doesn’t act good; I wanted her to do what she could. I tried to be compassionate. I think I am, and a lot of people are too harsh with themselves, so I tried to describe her as I would describe a friend that is struggling.

WWR: The comic is done entirely in black and white. What is the rationale behind this style of choice?

MM: I tried to tailor the artwork to the story I wanted to tell. The black and white allows me to focus the attention on Clara, her in full white and a lot of people in black in the background. Or the opposite, like Clara sometimes wears a lot of black clothes, black hair, or a black beanie. I think it helped make her more isolated, to tell the story of someone who doesn’t feel in sync with the rest. Also, it’s kind of harsh and very simple, so that’s two aspects of contrast with black and white that I liked. You can focus a lot of emotion on the face. All of that helped me choose.

WWR: I noticed the title of the book, This is How I Disappear, is synonymous with the My Chemical Romance song. What is the relationship between Clara’s story and this song? And why did you choose it as your title?

MM: I discovered My Chemical Romance when I was, maybe, 14. It was just before “The Black Parade.” It was the first show that my parents allowed me to go see and it was amazing. I cried during the whole show. It is really my comfort album. When I feel anxious, when I feel sad, just when I want something that feels like a blanket, maybe, I come back to “The Black Parade.” I love all their albums, but I have a particular fondness for this one.

“This is How I Disappear” is one of my favourite songs and it was one of the first ones that I learned the words to. It’s not the same story ‘cause the song is about lovers and alcohol consumption. But I felt like the title fit so perfectly with what I wanted to say. I think it was mostly for me because that’s the album I go to when I’m feeling down. It’s like someone you’ve known for a long time and that you know you can count on, but it’s an album.

WWR: Clara’s breakthrough at Rose’s cabin is a defining moment for her. It is when we first learn about Clara’s trauma, which speaks to the complexities of coping and how trauma isn’t always so visible on the surface. What do you hope audiences will take away from this scene?

MM: With the scene, I just really wanted to show that sometimes the most useful thing to do is say, “I am here.” I am here for you and I can listen to you and I am feeling with you. I am not a big fan of the “your feelings are valid” concept because sometimes it’s a little depoliticized. It’s said with emptiness. In this case, here, I see your feelings. You have the right to feel like that and you have the right to be angry and to be sad, and I am going to try to help you the way that I can. It’s okay if you’re not perfect. What’s important is to be there. It’s not a doctor or a therapist or an abuser; she can’t have all the answers, but she’s a friend.

I kind of hope that we understand that she has a special link to Rose – she is very close to her. She’s here at the beginning and at the end of the book, and she’s not always with the character. So that’s why it made more sense to me that it was her. I think the closeness and the distance made that possible. It’s hard to open yourself up around the people you see every day. You don’t want to be confronted by the person you’re constantly around. It’s not that you don’t love them, or that you love them less; just sometimes you need a little bit of distance to show everything. Maybe you feel like you have more to lose.

WWR: What do you hope young women, or someone struggling with mental health, will take away from this book most? 

MM: The thing I had in mind all along was women and gender nonconforming people that are dealing with depression because of sexual violence and abuse. I wanted the book to be something they can read that talks about the feelings that they’re going through that can be maybe, yes, relatable, but not in a difficult way, not in a shocking way.

I wanted it to be bittersweet. I am not going to say that it is a feel-good reading, you know, of course. I think it’s kind of hard. But, sometimes, we kind of find a little bit of tenderness and I hope that I made people feel understood. It’s not a didactical book – it’s not “how to deal with your depressed friend,” but I wanted to tell a story about a depression. Not every depression looks the same. It’s another way to live through that and experience that. I really don’t have the pretension to say, “you have to read to understand depression.” I just think and I hope that I have told a story about depression in a respectful and tender way. I had a lot of tenderness for my characters, all of them.

If people had to take away one thing: try to find help the sooner you can. Most of the time, we dismiss that until it’s too late.

To find out more about Mirion Malle and her upcoming works, you can visit her @mirionmalle on Instagram.