With Pacifique, Sarah L. Taggart debuts her first novel, a psychological thriller that leaves you wondering what is and isn’t real. This novel explores the ins and outs of mental health through the perspective of two patients in a British Columbian mental hospital. We have Tia trying to figure out if the woman she fell in love with (in just 5 days) truly exists, and Andrew, a fellow patient who is diagnosed with schizophrenia. Taggart skillfully writes about being forced into these institutions against your will while also weaving in an intricate mystery that induces feelings of suspense, excitement, anticipation and anxiety.

After a bicycle accident leaves Tia with a broken bone and a head injury, we meet her in an ambulance. Confused and disorientated, Tia asks about Pacifique, her lover, whom she met only 5 days ago; yet those days were filled with intense passion and gratuitous sex. Chapters alternate between Tia and Andrew’s perspectives, but they all come together to fill in the blanks about Tia’s past and present. Scenes with her psychiatrist and with Andrew reveal more to us about Pacifique, this mysterious woman who seems to have vanished after Tia’s accident. Making matters worse, her doctors tell her that Pacifique is a figment of her imagination, some sort of “trauma-induced psychosis.” But that doesn’t stop Tia from searching for her own answers, picking apart every memory of Pacifique, with the help of her fellow patients, to try to figure out what really happened. As we follow Tia’s journey, we learn more about her relationship with Pacifique and the adventures they got into. The love they share motivates Tia to find the answers to this mystery, but her growing relationship with Andrew further complicates the situation. Tia ultimately has to pick between the “real world” with Andrew or her quest to find Pacifique. This leaves us with an ending that may not have a definitive answer. Instead, it opens up a world of interpretation.

Taggart tells the story of these characters in a way that realistically portrays their struggles and their mental illnesses without exploiting them. There’s honesty and vulnerability in this novel – mental health is depicted in a way I haven’t seen before, and it felt refreshing to see these characters represented in a genuine and educational manner. Taggart’s own experiences with psychosis and being forced into a mental hospital have been infused within her characters, adding fundamental details and characteristics that make them more relatable. I truly felt Tia’s struggles alongside her as she tried to understand the situation and what was happening to her – from doctors’ appointments to trying to piece together the memories of Pacifique on her own. I’ve struggled with my own mental health over the past few years and I know how it feels to try to figure out what’s going on inside your own head and how exhausting it can be. Although I haven’t experienced what Tia is going through specifically, her confusion and need for answers is familiar, and I appreciate that my own feelings are being validated through her. While many representations of mental health portray people as “scary” or “dangerous,” this novel makes it a point to strip away the stigmas surrounding the scariness of psychiatric hospitals and its patients by showing what it’s really like to be on the inside.

I love how Tia and Andrew provide such an interesting lens to read this story through because of their mental health struggles, creating a tension throughout the book that adds to its mystery and suspense. I couldn’t really trust them because their perspectives don’t distinguish between what’s a figment of their imagination and what’s actually happening. Tia’s trying to figure out if the person she fell in love with actually exists, and Andrew is schizophrenic, so as a reader, we encounter voices in his head that, at first, caught me off guard, especially as they often contradict what he says or thinks. Taggart took the unreliable narrator trope and seductively used it to her advantage. It urged me to investigate things myself – questioning what’s being said – to figure out the truth. Even with Tia’s memories of Pacifique, I was still left wondering whether her lover was real. We learn that Pacifique is a complicated and imperfect person, who isn’t? But can we really trust Tia? This is a captivating way to make us come to our own conclusions, and Taggart does it wonderfully with these two characters. It perfectly adds the right amount of anticipation and uncertainty to this already thrilling novel.

Taggart does an excellent job of blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. Tia’s switch between her moments with Pacifique and those in the present became a puzzle as I found myself trying to make sense of it all. Tia’s constantly back and forth between the two realities that she exists within, the one in her head with Pacifique and the physical one around her. This idea of fantasy is also interesting to think about in terms of Tia and Pacifique’s relationship. Tia has this fantastical and fantasized lesbian relationship with Pacifique, while also having a seemingly ordinary and simple relationship with Andrew. This, in a way, reveals how society almost instinctively glorifies queer relationships, especially between women, and it’s a very intricate way of lacing this issue within the narrative without making this a book focusing solely on queer relationships. Many of the books I’ve read that involve queer relationships tend to have a way of making them seem perfect and whimsical, but Pacifique moves away from this stereotype. Taggart puts lesbian relationships at the forefront of her story – giving an authentic examination of lesbian relationships, without fetishizing them.

Pacifique portrays the highly stigmatized psychiatric hospitals and its patients through the eyes of an author who has experienced similar circumstances herself, allowing for a vulnerable and suspenseful story that continuously kept me on the edge of my seat. Taggart successfully creates this tense narrative with the aim of representing mental health in a realistic manner. By sharing these stories and adding to the lacking representation during a time when self-care is becoming more of a priority, the stigmas and stereotypes that are built around mental health are stripped down and laid bare, providing a voice for the people who are silenced. Even as we grow and learn more about how to provide better resources for mental health, we’re still lacking in this regard. We need to decrease the amount of fear, rejection or even embarrassment that people seeking help might suffer from, ensuring that people get the help they may need. More accurate representations of mental health in the media can educate us, as well as help to create a society that puts mental health at the forefront.